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That's How the Fight Started...在办公室千万不要读!!!

热度 17已有 20660 次阅读2013-9-26 12:46 |个人分类:博君一灿|系统分类:转帖-娱乐幽默| How, the, Fight, Started

That's How the Fight Started.


     One  year,  I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a  Christmas gift...

                 The  next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

                    When  she asked me why, I replied,

     "Well,  you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

                  And  that's how the fight started.....


                     ________________________________

     
My  wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we  were in bed.

           I  turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

                    'No,'  she answered.. I then said,

                       'Is  that your final answer?'

       She  didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

              So I  said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

                   And  that's when the fight started...

                     ________________________________

                     I  took my wife to a restaurant.

            The  waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

                "I'll  have the rump steak, rare, please."

             He  said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

                    "Nah,  she can order for herself."

                  And  that's when the fight started.....

                      _______________________________

         
My  wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion,  and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink  as he sat alone at a nearby table.

                     I  asked her, "Do you know him?"

                            "Yes",  she sighed,

        "He's  my old  boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right  after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't  been sober since."

         "My  God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating  that long?"

                      And  then the fight started...

                     ________________________________

     
When  our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me  that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something  else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making  beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought  of a clever way to make her point.

       When  I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,  busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.  I watched silently for a short time and then went into the  house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
     I  handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass,  you might as well sweep the driveway.."

    The  doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

                      ______________________________

         My  wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

                        She  asked, "What's on TV?"

                             I  said, "Dust."

                      And  then the fight started...

                     ________________________________

        Saturday  morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,  and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat  up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.  The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage,  turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would  be bad all day.

     I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation,  and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

       My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid  husband is out fishing in that?"

                   And  that's how the fight started...

                      _______________________________

        My  wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

       She  said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about  3 seconds."

                      I  bought her a bathroom scale.

                     And  then the fight started......

                      ______________________________

      After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

     The  woman behind the counter asked me for my Driver's License to verify my age.

       I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go  home and come back later.

                  The  woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

           So I  opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

      She  said, 'That silver hair on your  chest is proof enough for me'  and she processed my Social Security application.

     When  I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.  She said, 'You should have dropped your  pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

                      And  then the fight started...


                     ________________________________

        
My  wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

           She  was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I  feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to  pay me a compliment.'

             I  replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

                    And  then the fight started........

                     ________________________________

     I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

        The  driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

              He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

                So I  said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

                      That's  how the fight started.

1

路过
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鸡蛋
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鲜花
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支持
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雷人

难过
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搞笑

刚表态过的朋友 (17 人)

 

发表评论 评论 (29 个评论)

回复 宜修 2013-9-26 12:49
   大半夜的,估计周围邻居全被俺的狂笑吓醒了!!!
回复 Chi202 2013-9-26 13:12
  
回复 照偏天地 2013-9-26 13:50
半夜狂笑
回复 宜修 2013-9-26 22:13
Chi202:   
一定要找没人的地方看!
回复 宜修 2013-9-26 22:14
照偏天地: 半夜狂笑
俺家邻居都很厚道,没人报警告我半夜狂笑......
回复 Chi202 2013-9-26 22:50
宜修: 一定要找没人的地方看!
太黄?  
回复 宜修 2013-9-26 23:08
Chi202: 太黄?   
什么啊?怕你笑喷!
回复 兔儿爷 2013-9-26 23:19
哈哈哈哈。笑死我了。紧跟兔爷走,千万别放松啊,虎妞!
回复 宜修 2013-9-27 00:48
兔儿爷: 哈哈哈哈。笑死我了。紧跟兔爷走,千万别放松啊,虎妞!
  
回复 丝路花雨 2013-9-27 12:07
不读
回复 宜修 2013-9-27 12:12
丝路花雨: 不读
不读是你的损失!
回复 宜修 2013-9-27 12:12
兔儿爷: 哈哈哈哈。笑死我了。紧跟兔爷走,千万别放松啊,虎妞!
刚才又路过“成都印象”了......本来低着头玩儿手机的......一抬头,刚巧是“成都印象”!怎么哪壶不开提哪壶啊?!
回复 口无遮拦 2013-9-27 22:51
“And  that's how the fight started…” 我自译出是在逗乐~
回复 宜修 2013-9-27 22:53
口无遮拦: “And  that's how the fight started…” 我自译出是在逗乐~
Read before.  Still enjoy the laughter.  I can't read it toooooooooo many times!
回复 口无遮拦 2013-9-27 23:09
在紧张的工作之余,阅一小段有趣的网文或者听听一则幽默的话语是能够缓解心情的~
回复 兔儿爷 2013-9-27 23:17
宜修: 刚才又路过“成都印象”了......本来低着头玩儿手机的......一抬头,刚巧是“成都印象”!怎么哪壶不开提哪壶啊?!   ...
哭了几声啊?
回复 宜修 2013-9-27 23:19
口无遮拦: 在紧张的工作之余,阅一小段有趣的网文或者听听一则幽默的话语是能够缓解心情的~
大笑之后酣睡!
回复 宜修 2013-9-27 23:20
兔儿爷: 哭了几声啊?
成了伤心处了哈......决定申请把它拆了!
回复 兔儿爷 2013-9-27 23:26
宜修: 成了伤心处了哈......决定申请把它拆了!
我看也是。我在纽约的时候就伤心。一想着我打着千儿做着万福请人赏脸,人家都不搭理我,我就伤心欲绝。当时就想拆了。后来看拆不了了,干脆就搬走了。
回复 宜修 2013-9-28 00:02
兔儿爷: 我看也是。我在纽约的时候就伤心。一想着我打着千儿做着万福请人赏脸,人家都不搭理我,我就伤心欲绝。当时就想拆了。后来看拆不了了,干脆就搬走了。   ...
魔高一丈啊?!
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